Written by Janessa M. Borges, LCSW, Naples Oceanside Wellness, LLC
When I’m working with couples in my counseling practice in Naples, FL I often find that most couples aren’t loving their partners in their love language. When this happens one partner feels depleted from pouring energy into another that feels completely void of love. The disconnect is real but it doesn’t have to be.
Here is my cliff note’s version of Gary Chapman’s love language in play.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: This can be seen as simple as using your words to tell others how much they mean to you. It can be a little note on a bathroom mirror, a card, an “I love you”. My favorite thing to do for my children is to leave them a little note in their lunchbox “I love you baby. Love, mama.”
Watch their faces light up and their love tanks fill.
ACTS OF SERVICE: Those who value this love language swoon over the thoughtfulness of others. An example of this can be making dinner, doing the dishes, folding the laundry or washing their car. Their hearts go pitter patter when you do things FOR THEM.
GIFTS: Although this love language may seem self-serving, it’s not what you think. It can be as simple as a flower you pull from a field, a trinket from the dollar store, or a handmade gift. Those who value this love language, value the idea of you “giving” to them.
QUALITY TIME: This love language is not about time together, but the mindfulness and being present when together. It’s about having phones off, no distractions, and they are the center of your world (or close to it) because you love them enough to focus on them. This could be an uninterrupted meal, snuggling on the couch or a weekend getaway.
PHYSICAL TOUCH: This love language isn’t about sexual intimacy (although it can be). This love language focuses on physical connection. This could be hand holding, a peck on the cheek, a hug, a caress of the cheek. This is all about feeling your partner’s touch. When my husband and I were dating we would always sit next to each other instead of across from each other while eating, so our knees touch, something we still practice to this day.
Now it’s your turn, think about which love language your partner receives love, and what you can implement to “fill their love tank.”
