Written by Janessa M. Borges, LCSW, Naples Oceanside Wellness, LLC
I always say to my clients, our children learn by what they see, not by what we “teach them.” As parents, we often tell our children what we expect of them, but then so often we behave so differently, practicing the old, “Do as I say, not as I do”, “Be patient”, “don’t scream”, “share”, and “be nice.” We teach others so much more about ourselves, and about humanity by our behavior than by our expectations. We ARE leading by example, the question is what example are we setting? What are we teaching our children? Or anyone around us by our actions?
When we are not in our best place, it is hard to be the best role model, and lead by example, because we are not the best version of ourselves. But, we are all human, and we make mistakes. So if there is a lesson to be learned as we reflect, let us teach those around us to be honest, and gracious, and apologize when we make mistakes, and accept apologies when others are brave enough to extend them.
As for me and my little ones, I hope that I teach my children so many things:
- how to love unconditionally
- to be kind to others when they are hurting
- to be gentle to others and their feelings
- To admire the differences that make the world so beautiful
- to laugh when you may be embarrassed because you are not perfect
- to smile because it warms someone’s heart
- to be friendly to everyone because that may be the only kindness they may encounter all day
- to support one another when needed
- to talk to strangers
- to find the beauty in the rain
- to love to giggle
- to dance like it is a natural instinct
- to find joy in all they do
- to be true to themselves
- to feel surrounded by love
- to feel smart enough to ask questions to answers they do not know
- to feel confident enough that they can achieve their dreams
- to stand tall and proud of who they are and where they come from
That is how I hope I am perceived through their eyes. When your loved ones see you, when you see yourself through them…. how do you look through their eyes?
