Written by Janessa M. Borges, LCSW, Naples Oceanside Wellness, LLC
As we get older, many things in our lives seem to improve…we learn how to be more efficient at work, we master doing our taxes and our bonds with loved ones grow stronger. With more years of experience and practice, we learn skills and practices to manage the chaos of life. However, it seems that the one thing that seems to fade over the years is the quality of our sex lives.
Popular culture leads us to believe that with older couples, sex gets boring and mundane. But is it really true? The idea that sex is a young person’s game is at direct odds with the idea that the older you get, the better the sex.
The truth is, older adults continue to explore and enjoy sexuality well into their late years.
Studies show that the majority of women and men over 60 in the U.S. are having sex more frequently than younger adults, usually at least two to three times a month. Older adults still rank sex as a high priority for happiness in life. Most people would claim that physical health and sexual functioning decline with age, but the quality of our sex lives doesn’t actually decline with age.
Studying sex and aging
Most studies of sex and aging don’t factor in that studying changes over time. If you were to take a poll on how satisfies people are with their sex life, and more younger adults say they are satisfied than more older adults…does that mean aging is responsible for the difference?
What if it was just that there was a generational difference in the attitude towards sex? Those that were raised in the 1930s may have different opinions or attitudes toward sex than adults who grew up during “the sexual revolution” in the 1960s and 1970s.
To get to the bottom of the correlation between age and sex, an AP News study was conducted with over 6,000 adults 20-93 years of age. Data was collected for 18 years to understand patterns.
The participants were asked, “How would you rate the sexual quality of your life these days?” At first glance, it suggested that sexual quality does decline with age. But as the study continued and the adults in the study aged, participants made an emphasis on the idea that is the quality of their sexual encounters, not the quantity that matters. Meaning that the importance of frequency might decline but the level of effort became more important. When the study took into account sociodemographic characteristics, and mental and physical health – the results showed that older adults had a better sex life than younger adults.
This study is consistent with what we tend to see in other areas of our lives – the more practice you have, the richer and more genuine your life experiences can be as you age. Over time, you learn your sexual preferences and your partner’s likes and dislikes. Your priorities change including in the bedroom and you perfect your skills.
The study also showed that those in a healthy romantic relationship experience an even better quality of their sex life. All of these factor into the notion that as we grow older, we gain a better quality of our sex lives.
The definition of wisdom is “the quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgment,” the study suggests that sexual wisdom is directly related to gaining life experience. A satisfying sex life is key to your well-being and can lead to a longer and healthier life.
